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Lenin hated his name, what kind of name is Lenin for an 18 year old boy? Yes, that was his real name, Lenin Vladimir Illyich Jones. His mother and father had been communists and had named their only son after the great leader. That might have been okay if he grew up in Communist Russia but growing up in Newport, South Wales, in the 1970s it was not okay, not okay at all.
You won’t be surprised to learn that he was the only Lenin in his school, and probably in the whole of South Wales. He’d heard of a few Vladimirs and one or two Leons, and of course there were a few Che’s and Fidels, but he was the only Lenin.
For a while he’d tried to convince people it was spelt Lennon, and he was named after a Beatle, but people didn’t believe him.
School had been horrible, he was called all sorts of names, like commie or red. People drew a little beard on his school photo. Even the school bully knew his political theory shouting all property is theft as he stole Lenin’s bag and dinner money.
He’d thought about changing his name officially, but to what? The idea of choosing his own name scared him, what name should he choose? Could he be a boring John or Dave after being Lenin for 18 years? He was angry at his crazy parents, didn’t they think about how having such a crazy name would affect their son in the future?
Because of his name it didn’t look like he was going to get a place in university. No one took his applications seriously. All of his friends had been offered places but Lenin, the cleverest boy in school, only had rejection letters.
But eventually Lenin did get a place in university. And he discovered that in university having such a weird name was not so different. He was only in week 3 of his course and he’d already met a Mahatma and a Kubla. People were amused by his strange name but they didn’t tease him like they had done in school. In fact, he was just about to discover the benefits of having the name Lenin.
Lenin was sitting in the university cafe with some of his friends when a girl came in who they had never seen before. She was as beautiful as she was tall and she was very tall.
The boys watched her as she walked across the room and were amazed when she came in their direction. Pretty girls like her didn’t speak to boys like them.
‘Who is the man they call Lenin?’ she said.
Lenin’s friends pointed at him while he nervously put his hand up.
‘My name is Nadezhda and I am Russian.’ She looked him straight in the eye. Lenin was a little scared.
She was Russian all right, she was Russian all the way up her beautiful body, and all the way back down again, and that was a long way.
‘You can call me Nadia.’ Lenin was pleased about that. He didn’t think he’d ever be able to pronounce her name and he was just pleased he could call her anything.
‘I want to have sex with you,’ she said.
‘Um okay, when?’ Lenin said.
‘Now,’ she said. ‘Let’s go.’
Lenin sat in bed smoking one of Nadia’s cigarettes. He still could not quite believe what had happened. The sex had been amazing and this cigarette was stronger than anything he’d ever smoked before.